Buffy: ..I'm like that kid in the story, the boy who stuck his finger in
the duck.
Angel: Dike. It's another word for a dam.
Buffy: Oh. Okay, now that story makes a lot more sense.
"Blood is life, lackbrain. Why do you think we eat it? It's what keeps
you going, makes you warm, makes you hard, makes you other than dead.
'Course it's her blood." - Spike (Buffy ep.100 - The Gift)
"You think you can fight me. I'm not a demon, little girl. I'm something
you can't conceive. The first evil. Beyond sin, beyond death... I am the
thing the darkness fears. You will never see me, but I am everywhere.
Every being, every thought, every drop of hate--" Jenny (Buffy ep.044 -
Amends)
Giles: Don't taunt the fear demon.
Xander: Why? Can he hurt me?
Giles: No, it's just... tacky.
"I can't beileve that the world may be in the hands of this.. this..
'teen thing'." - Giles (Buffy ep.000 - Unaired Pilot)
"And like a plague of boils, the race of man covered the Earth, but on
the third day of the newest light would come the Harvest and the blood
of men will flow as wine; when the Master will walk among them once
more. The Earth will belong to the old ones and Hell itself will come to
town. amen." - Luke (Buffy ep.001 - Welcome To The Hellmouth)
"I totally get it now. Can I have sex with Riley, too?" - Xander (BtVS
ep.070 - Goodbye Iowa)
"Well, I guess that makes it official. Everybody's paired off. Vampires
get dates. Hell, even the school librarian sees more action than me." -
Xander (BtVS ep.014 - Some Assembly Required)
Darla: But we...
Angel: Yes...
Darla: ...and you...
Angel: I know...
Darla: Then I...
Angel: Three times...
Darla: ....You're not evil?
Darla: I don't understand... Was I... was it... not good?
Darla: Well, I don't accept this. You cannot tell me that wasn't
perfect. Not only have I been around for four hundred years, I used to
do this
professionally and that was perfect!
Darla: ..We'll go again.
"Dawn listen to me. Listen. I love you. I'll always love you. But this
is the work I have to do. Tell Giles I... I figured it out. And I'm
okay. Give my love to my friends. You have to take care of them now --
you have to take care of each other. You have to be strong. Dawn. The
hardest thing in this world is to live in it. Be brave. Live. For me." -
Buffy (Buffy ep.100 - The Gift)
"How about, 'cause you're a tiny impotent Nazi with a bug up his butt
the size of an emu?" - Cordelia (Buffy ep.033 - Becoming, Part 1)
"Can't call to mom. Can't say a word. You're gonna die screaming but you
won't be heard." - Little girl (BtVS ep.066 - Hush)
"The printed page is obsolete. Information isn't bound up anymore. It's
an entity. The only reality is virtual. If you're not jacked in, you're
not alive." - Fritz (BtVS ep.008 - I Robot, You Jane)
Joyce: Buffy where have you been? Are you okay? The police were here.
Are you okay? I went looking for you.
Buffy: Mom, let's go inside --
Joyce: Who is this man? (to Spike) Who are you? (to Buffy)
Are you okay?
Buffy: MOM.
Buffy: I'm okay. I was. . . busy. . . doing something. And this is
Spike, and he was doing it too.
Joyce: Doing what? Buffy, terrible things have happened. What were you
doing?
Spike: What, your mum doesn't know
Joyce: Know what?
Buffy: That, uh, that, uh, I'm in a rock band.
Buffy: Yes, a rock band, with Spike here. . . .
Spike: (helping) Right, she plays the. . . triangle --
Buffy: -- drums --
Spike: Drums, yeah, she's hell on the old skins, you know.
Joyce: And what do you do?
Spike: Well, I sing.
Buffy: Why don't we go inside now and talk about it.
Joyce: Well, I'm not sure how I feel about this. . .
Buffy: (to Spike) You think she's buying it.
a VAMPIRE leaps from the bushes. It's one of Angel's henchmen, and he
blows past the two of them -- right into Joyce. She gets a good look at
his face and she yelps with fear. He roars. Buffy grabs him before he
can untangle himself from Joyce. She hurls him toward Spike, who decks
him solidly, knocks him back to Buffy who kicks him, whips out a stake
and dusts him.
Spike goes up to Buffy, casually looking at the spot where the vampire
was.
Spike: One of Angel's boys.
Buffy: Must have been watching me. Or you.
Spike: He won't get the chance to tattle on us now.
Joyce: Buffy. . . what's going on?
Buffy goes to her mom, takes a deep breath.
Buffy: Mom. . . I'm a vampire slayer.
"I can handle the Oz Full Monty" - Xander (BtVS ep.038 - Beauty and the
Beasts)
"My mummy used to sing me to sleep at night. "Run and catch, run and
catch, the lamp is caught in the blackberry patch". She had the sweetest
voice, like cherries. What will your mummy sing when they find your
body?" - Drusilla (BtVS ep.020 - Lie to Me)
"I'm supervised twenty-four seven. It's like living in The Real World
house, only real." - Buffy (BtVS ep.040 - Band Candy)
Xander: What do you mean, what is it? It's my *thing*.
Willow: Your thing?
Xander: My thing!
Buffy: Is this a penis metaphor?
"You're not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love 'til it
kills you both. You'll fight, and you'll shag, and you'll hate each
other 'til it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends. Real love
isn't brains, children. It's blood. It's blood screaming inside you to
work its will. I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to
admit it." - Spike (Buffy ep.042 - Lover's Walk)
Giles: Quite a couple of days.
Buffy: My brain hasn't pocessed everything yet. It's not really
functioning at the higher levels. It's pretty much, 'fire bad, tree
pretty.' Anything more complex..
Giles: Understandable. Well, when it starts working again, congratulate
it on a good campaign. You did very well.... There is a certain dramatic
irony in the way things turned out. A synchronicity that boarders on
pedestination, one might say.
Buffy: Fire bad. Tree pretty.
Xander has scribbled on a pad, holds up for all to see: HOW DO YOU KILL
THEM?
Buffy snorts contemptuously, then circles her fist around an imaginary
stake, plunges it down repeatedly.
Everybody looks at her, a little thrown: the gesture doesn't read the
way she intended.
"Looks dead, smells dead, yet it's moving around. That's interesting." -
Oz (BtVS ep.036 - Dead Man's Party)
Mr. Whitmore: Of course, for teenagers such an yourselves these feelings
are even more overwhelming. With all sorts of hormones surging through
your bodies, compelling you to action - it's often difficult to remember
that there are negative consequences to having sex. would anyone care to
offer one such consequence?
Cordelia: That depends. Are you talking about sex in a car or out of a
car? Because one time - a friend of mine, not me - kicked the gear shift
in a Miata that was parked at the top of this hill and--
Mr. Whitmore: (interrupting her) I was thinking of something a
little more... commonplace, Ms. Chase.
"If every vampire who said he was at the Crucifixion was actually there
it would've been like Woodstock. I was at Woodstock. I fed off a flower
person and I spent six hours watching my hand move." - Spike (Buffy -
ep.015 - School Hard)
"I wear the cheese. It does not wear me." - Cheese Man (BtVS ep. 078 -
Restless)
Oz: I'm gonna ask you if you wanna go out tomorrow night. I'm actually
kind of nervous about it. It's interesting.
Willow: Oh. Well, if it helps at all, I'm gonna say yes.
Oz: It helps. It adds a comfort zone. You wanna go out tomorrow night?
Willow: I can't !
Scott: Stable. Okay. Topics to avoid. The little men that live in your
teeth..your compulsion to paint circus clowns..
Buffy: But if god keeps telling me to kill-- it just seems snotty not
to, you know?
"I'm sixteen – duh – I'm a Sagittarius with my moon in Gemini which
means nothing, as far as I can tell. But my mom seems to think it
explains a lot. I don't eat meat, except for cheeseburgers. I think Jill
Sobule should be leader of the free world." - Buffy (BtVS ep.001
-Welcome to the Hellmouth)
Riley: So what have you got going on tonight?
Buffy: Patrolling.
Riley: Patrolling?
Buffy: (quick cover) Uh, petroleum.
Riley: Petroleum.
Buffy: Uh huh.
Riley: Tonight you have crude oil.
Buffy: And homework. What about you?
Riley: Oh, you know, grading papers...
Buffy: Well, that'll be fun.
Riley: Not "petroleum" fun, but it passes the time...
"No. Just letting off steam. Two guys rasslin'. But not in a gay way." -
Xander (BtVS ep.047 - The Zeppo)
Dawn: What are you doing?
Buffy: My boyfriend!
"My life happens on occasion to suck beyond the telling of it." - Buffy
(BtVS ep.052 - Earshot)
"I was happy. Wherever I ... was ... I was happy. At peace. I knew that
everyone I cared about was all right. I knew it. Time didn't mean
anything, nothing had form... but I was still me, you know? And I was
warm and I was loved... and I was finished. Complete. I don't understand
about dimensions or theology or any of ... but I think I was in heaven.
And now I'm not. I was torn out of there. My friends pulled me out. And
everything here is bright and hard and violent... Everything I feel,
everything I touch... this is Hell. Just getting through the next
moment, and the one after that... knowing what I've lost ..." - Buffy (BtVS
ep.103 - Afterlife)
Xander: The band, yeah. They're great. They march.
Willow: Like an army. Except with music, instead of bullets, and usually
no one dies.
Spike: (mocking Richard) Ohhh, Buffy, might I get you a soda pop? I
think I'm in looooove!
Buffy: Seriously, stop it, someone will see.
He pulls her to him.
Spike: Mmmm-hmmm.
He takes her hand, tries to push it onto his crotch, but Tara walks in.
Buffy pulls away, glares at Spike, and walks off. Tara just stares.
Spike: I, uh, had a muscle cramp. Buffy was... helping.
Tara: Muscle cramp. In your pants.
Spike: What. It's a thing.
Tara: Right.
LATER..
Dawn: Oh, we should totally have a slumber party!
Buffy: Well... I don't know. I guess, as long as we're all staying up
anyway.
Spike: (for Buffy) Must be some late-night activities to keep us busy
till morning.
Buffy glares death rays at Spike. Tara picks up on it, speaks to him
quietly.
Tara: How's that cramp, Spike? Still bothering you?
Spike: What? Oh. Yeah...
Tara: (smiles) Maybe you should put some ice on it.
"I brought marshmallows.... Occasionally, I'm callous and strange." -
Willow (BtVS ep.047 - The Zeppo)
Buffy: See, this is a school. And we have students and they check out
books and then they learn things.
Giles: I was beginning to suspect that was a myth.
"Great, now I'm gonna be stuck with serious thoughts all day." -
Cordelia (BtVS ep.037 - Beauty and the Beasts)
Giles: Alright. I'll just jump into my time machine, go back to the 12th
century and ask the vampires to postpone their ancient prophecy for a
few days while you take in dinner and a show.
Buffy: Okay, at this point you're abusing sarcasm.
"Syrups have kinds?" - Dawn (BtVS ep.118 - Entropy)
